Sunday, June 22, 2008

One of those weeks!

Well, in case you were wondering, the week didn't improve. I love playing the oboe. But sometimes I just have to ask myself, why am I doing this? Why do I keep playing? Every time I have an opportunity to play, it seems to follow the rule "when it rains, it pours". Christmas, Easter, ect are very high in music job opportunities, so I can usually anticipate those busy seasons, prepare for them, but they are still stressful. This week was a fluke in the system for me, busy off-season. I have started playing with a woodwind nonet, and our first concert was this afternoon in a beautiful cathedral in downtown phoenix. About two weeks ago I agreed to also do a musical production of Secret Garden, which meant I had dress rehersal with the nonet Tuesday, dress rehersals for the musical Wednesday and Thursday (with two different casts) and performances Friday, two on Saturday, and the nonet today. On top of that I had previously scheduled for Amelia to have her 3rd year photos to be taken as well as an updated family picture Saturday morning. AND swimming lessons every morning except Friday this last week and next. Just CRAZY, CRAZY schedule. And then on top of all of that... Dallan mentioned Thursday night he has had a major toothache all week, but hasn't said anything because there wouldn't have been time to do anything about it with work and everything else going on. By last night he couldn't move, and described the pain as a 10 on the pain scale. Drugs didn't help at all yesterday, but I was gone all day, he had to take care of the girls all day, so it was a really rotten day for him. We got cute pictures though, on the bright side... I just want to cry! I love to play my oboe, I love to take these opportunities, but everytime I do my family suffers. (Dallan quite literally this time). Poor Amelia got sent to time out in nursery for kicking another child today. She is never a violent child! She just reacts so badly when there is stress in our home, I know thats why she reacted to whatever, like she did. Is it worth keeping this talent, this passion of mine, while raising my family? How do other people do it, keeping something they hold dear to their heart while keeping up with family, home and children? And this is something I feel like I need to keep, my music I mean. I just need to find a way to balance and deal with the stress better. Anyway, Dallan is going to a dentist tomorrow, I'm vowing to let my house go to the pits this week, at least while kids are awake, and see if I can't renew some stability in these poor little girls lives (and my own).


Kerri said...

Oh, Steph, my heart goes out to you! You know I've lived through so much that is similar. Balance is next to impossible for me, but I do the best I can, hoping that Heavenly Father can make up for the things I'm lacking in if I try my best.

Make all your decisions a matter of prayer, and listen to the Spirit in choices of how to spend your time. Your gifts are important, and it's important for your family to support you in your talents as much as you support them in all that they do. Your family will make it through tough weeks just fine, as long as good weeks follow.

Of course, I'm quitting teaching because the balance has gotten harder and harder to even come close to, so maybe you don't want to take MY advice :).

You'll all make it through. You're a great mom, a great wife, and a great musician, and YES you can be all three.

Chris said...

Yikes! What a miserable week. I'd hate for you to give up something you love and are so good at, so the only advice I can think to give is to find a way to stay involved with your music that won't double-book you.

I hope Dallan is feeling better and that everyone feels less stressed out this week.

Love, Chris

iclady2 said...

I think you absolutely need to keep playing your oboe. It is good for kids to see that mom does something for herself, and they are so blessed to be brought up in a home with the appreciation of arts and music. Music is such a blessing, and it brings joy to both you and those who hear you. When your kids get older, the scheduling becomes easier, and they learn to love music and want to play it, too. My kids (4 of them) never regret being brought up with a mom and sisters always on the run to do some show, performance, church gig, or another, because they have learned to keep themselves busy and enjoy something other kids never get the opportunity to enjoy. Now they are participating and loving every minute of it. When yours get older, they will be able to participate, too and will love you so much for the opportunity. BTW, see you at the show Thursday! My daughter is Mary, and it has all been worth it. :-)